This is a topic that I’m actively working on myself. Although I have come a long way from where I was two years ago, it has continued to be an active process that has brought frustration, joy, and relief to my life.
When you undergo trauma, your body learns to react in a way that keeps you alive. Although these coping mechanisms can be harmful later on, I think it’s important to be kind to yourself and your body for what it has done to survive. Your body is the body of a survivor. But you don’t have to just survive.
Even after you are not actively experiencing trauma, your brain can continue to act as if you are. Something that may seem harmless, like a smell, sound, or memory, can trigger your brain into thinking you are experiencing the trauma again. Both the trauma and the lasting discomfort from these triggers can lead many people to disconnect from their bodies to survive the pain. However, even if you disconnect, the trauma can continue to be stored in your body. An important part of the healing process is beginning to reconnect to your body and allowing yourself to feel both the highs and lows.
Ways to reconnect your mind and body:
Strengthen sensory awareness
Body scans can be a great tool to calm your body when you’re experiencing anxiety, tension, or panic. It can be a part of meditation or a tool on its own. If you feel comfortable, start by closing your eyes and taking a few deep and slow breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Starting at the top of your head, slowly scan down your body and note any sensations (like tension, pain, warmth, coolness, etc.) you find there. Don’t judge or try to change anything; just notice and continue to scan down your body. Practicing this throughout the day and when you feel anxious can help you begin to grow your awareness of your body.
Mind-body movement
This can be things like slow, gentle yoga, or mindful stretching. By making purposeful movements and taking deep breaths, you can strengthen the connection between your body and mind.
Rhythmic exercises
Find an activity that you enjoy that uses synchronized movement. This can be things like dance or drumming. Rhythmic exercise can help to build a sense of control over your body in a positive environment. Just make sure to be kind and patient with yourself.
Exercise
Any type of physical exercise can be helpful, as long as you remain mindful of how your body feels. This can be anything, including hiking, swimming, weight lifting, or running.
Bathe
Take a bath or shower and allow yourself to feel the water on your body. Allow yourself to enjoy the process of washing yourself without rushing to the next thing. Taking care of yourself in this way can be healing and help to relearn what feels good and what doesn’t.
Breathe
It is common for trauma survivors to take quick, shallow breaths without even realizing it. This can prevent your body from relaxing, so practicing deep breathing can help retrain your body. This link contains guided breathing called “soft belly breathing,” which can be used whenever you feel you need it: https://cmbm.org/self-care/soft-belly-breathing/
Self-exploration (CW: mild sexual content)
Start by taking notice of the sensations in your body and listening to them. Eat when you feel hungry. Sleep when you feel tired.
Begin to take note of what feels good. Maybe it’s sunshine on your skin, deep washing your hair, or giving yourself a massage.
If you feel comfortable, masturbation has been shown to be helpful for sexual violence survivors to begin reconnecting with their sexuality. Without putting any pressure on yourself, you can explore what feels good and what doesn’t. This can bring up triggers, which can help you know what boundaries you might want to communicate with a partner.
Intimacy can also be difficult following trauma, especially when your perception of intimacy gets distorted. However, there are ways to be intimate without being physical. Intimacy is about connectedness to another person, which can take many forms. Discovering different ways to feel intimate might feel daunting, but you can make it a fun thing between you and your partner. Some ideas might be to plan a date night, cook a nice meal together, have a conversation without distraction, or do an activity you or your partner loves to do. Simply sharing in these moments together can bring joy and help you gain comfort with intimacy.
Lastly, it’s important to remember that healing takes time. There isn’t a certain place you need to be by a certain time. Everyone is going to be different, and things are probably going to fluctuate. In other words, one day, you might feel fine in your body or with being intimate, and the next day you might not. It doesn’t mean that you’ve failed or regressed: it’s a natural part of the healing process. In your own time, you can reclaim the simple pleasure of just being in your body.
