Although it can be tempting to expect yourself and others to be on a linear path of healing from sexual and relational trauma, these expectations can be damaging. Although each new day may be an opportunity to heal from the things we have experienced, you are also allowed to not always take that opportunity.
In my own life, I have experienced the pressure to turn my trauma into gold, so to speak. In my psychology classes, professors emphasize how helpful past traumas can be in connecting to clients. When my trauma responses caused me distress, I was told that everyone has things that they have to compartmentalize. Friends and family often praise me for how well I seem to have healed from my experiences of gender-based violence. They gush that I seem to be even stronger and wiser for it. In my relationship with myself, I give praise when things do not affect me as they once did and admonish myself when things do not run so smoothly. Although I believe that all of these reactions to my healing process were made out of love and care, it took me a lot to see that they were inadvertently damaging. It is important to celebrate your victories, but we often forget that surviving is a victory on its own.
The messaging that we get from others can often be that the only time it's okay to talk about trauma is when you are triumphant over it. Not only does this make it difficult to get support when you are struggling, it also invalidates the fact that healing is not linear. You did not survive the things you have been through so that you can be stronger. You survived the things that you have been through because you had to.
Healing from gender-based violence and abuse can feel like a full time job. It's okay to give yourself permission to not be okay sometimes. It's okay to feel strong and brave. Having moments when you don't know if you can go on doesn't diminish your strength. Lastly, it's okay to take a break from the healing process and enjoy the moments in your life that still bring you joy.
